SPOILER ALERT: I always go out of my way to avoid spoilers in my film writing by focusing on themes and avoiding plot summarizing. However, this film got to me so deeply on an emotional level that I don’t know how I could write about it without talking about specific characters and plot points. So this essay is lousy with spoilers, and if you don’t want to read them, skip this essay until after you’ve seen the movie!
Children are very perceptive and bright. What we put out, they soak in and it affects them well into adulthood, sometimes for life. Every word, every action, every look, they take it in and it alters the connections in their brains. If there is one thing I took from the new film, ‘What Maisie Knew’, it’s that children see, hear, and understand far more than we imagine. The film follows the breakup and ensuing custody battle between Maisie’s parents. Maisie is a sweet 6 year old girl, and she is our window into this adult mess. Everything we witness about her parents’ relationship and breakup we perceive through her perspective only. She is in every scene, and every bit of fighting or manipulation we hear and see is what she hears and sees. This film made me more uncomfortable to watch than possibly any film I’ve ever seen. There were several moments I had a physical reaction to a scene and wanted to run from the theater. There is nothing more beautiful and precious than the innocence and endless possibility a young child represents. And to see that innocence thoroughly desecrated and violated is about as heartbreaking as life gets.
Maisie’s mom is a drunk, a smoker, and a washed-up former rock star. Her dad is successful workaholic absentee father who seem incapable of expressing emotion. We watch as Maisie plays in the kitchen, runs between rooms around the apartment, pays the pizza delivery man, all while catching bits and piece of the wretched things her parents are yelling at one another as she passes within earshot. Little Maisie has the sweetest smile, the most open and receptive eyes, and a gentle innocence shining out from every inch of her tiny body. We see her and fall in love with her instantly, and we want nothing more than to protect her and keep her safe from corruption. But there is nothing we can do, they are her parents, and they have the ‘rights’ to her. I have never been so involved and disgusted by the characters in a film. They come off on screen as vile human beings, motivated by ego and self-gratification, using Maisie as a bargaining chip to hurt and screw over one another, coldly and callously oblivious to her well-being.
Have we forgotten in our society what our responsibility is to our children? Are we here just put a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, and give them things? Do we think love is simply telling them they are the most important thing in the world to us while acting out selfishly and not being present to give attention to their needs and interests? Does it show love to be possessive and want to keep our children within our grasp and at our command whenever it is convenient, then dump them off on someone else when it’s not? Does it show love to then be jealous of our children connecting with another adult who isn’t us and lash out at that other person and try to keep them away? Does it show love to be friends with our children and let them do whatever they want one minute, and then scold them for not doing what you want the next? What the hell happened to being present, paying attention, setting rules, applying discipline, being consistent, and showing love?
Divorce and split custody are the norm of our times. Negotiating co-parenting between two households with the involvement of new partners is almost a 50/50 proposition these days which needs to be and can be figured out in a healthy way for children. But it is so difficult and so tricky, because it requires the adults being adults and not throwing their selfish emotional baggage in their child’s face. Do you think you’re ex-husband is an asshole who cheated you? Great, but don’t constantly say that in front of your child. Do you think your ex-wife is a nagging shrew who never let you have a moment of peace? Wonderful, but don’t cloud your child’s mind with your hurt feelings. The stupid manipulative games divorced couples can play with the innocent, still-developing mind of a small child in an attempt to win, to get revenge, to feel love are truly sick. Just because your were hurt and your relationship with this person was ruined, don’t put that on your child and attempt to ruin their relationship with their other parent. Children need two parents if they have them both alive. Keep your mouth shut and swallow your pride for the sake of your beautiful child. You’ve separated, move on, and let your child’s relationship with your ex be whatever it is going to be based on what happens between them, not what you try to project onto it. Your ex may have been a shitty husband or wife, but that doesn’t mean they will be a shitty father or mother. Be the best parent you can be and leave the rest alone unless there is obvious abuse or negligence to report, and then let the courts handle it.
As you can see, I am not impartial on this one. I let my emotions get the best of me after watching a film where parents act badly and vie for their child’s love and affection all while not giving real love back. It is a problem that has only worsened over time, especially in the narcissistic age of social media, being so caught up in one’s own emotions that you cannot let other people have theirs too. We like to play the victim in our own story so much that we often tend to invalidate the experiences and emotions of the people around us, especially those we love the most, and many of them do it right back. We foster that behavior in all of our public and political discourse, and it pushes us apart, and the ones that suffer the most are the children; watching, seeing, absorbing all of this behavior until it becomes ingrained. The only antidote is empathy and understanding. We must start with the children, perhaps by recalling our own childhood and remembering the love and empathy we desired but did not receive. But we need not let it stain us forever so that we pass it on to future generations. Let that longing from the past give us empathy for the children in and around our lives today, for children like Maisie, and let that empathy expand and extend to the adults in and around those children’s lives so they too can feel it and reciprocate it. Then maybe we can start to love without condition and let our children be children, full of love and understanding.
film with meaning 